Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
