I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I forget how to act sober
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
