is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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