Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize