Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
