There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
