just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
