You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
