Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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