shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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