My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize