i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
