I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
