chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
