Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
