i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
