Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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