You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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