Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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