i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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