Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
