Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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