at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
