Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
