You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
