You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
