If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
