So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
