At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
