i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
