WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Rumble strips road head = magical
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
