here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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