Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When did angry sex become our thing?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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