Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
