garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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