I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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