Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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