Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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