I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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