its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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