I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
