There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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