So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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