Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
