its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize