Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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