The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
