so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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