If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
