It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
