Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
