quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
