someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
