You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
