She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
