i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we're making bets on your personal life
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize