there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize