The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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