she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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