Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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