I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Farmville is her only friend.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize