Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
