i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
