i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
