i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
