My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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