I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
