DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
