There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Randomize
