I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
