'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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