I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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