Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
