What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
