I'm going to jail i love you
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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