Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
